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My personal philosophy is to live your legacy.
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do” – Epictetus
This may sound like trite guidance, but it’s how I live my life. It’s what makes me different. Where some people see roadblocks and obstacles to success, I see challenges and opportunities for growth.
But what really lights me up is helping other people deploy the same approach to living their best life at work and at home.
DISC: Driver (Di)
Terry is likely to be an ambitious and persuasive achiever with a casual and direct communication style.
Myers Briggs: INTPAs an INTP
Terry tends to be extremely analytical, objective, and logical. Terry is likely to approach interactions with others in a logical way, rather than relying on emotion.
Enneagram 5: The Thinker
As a Type Five, Terry tends to be curious, independent, and observant. Terry generally loves to pursue knowledge and seeks a deeper understanding of the world.
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The rise
I grew up in Webster, New York which is a suburb outside of Rochester. My town was 90% white and 3% black. Since I already stood out, I did my best to blend in. That plan went out the door by my Junior year of high school. I was 6’4”, a decent athlete and was “popular” by any measurable standard. And since I started working when I was 12, I had all the money I needed to buy the most trendy – and gaudy – clothes. This caused me to stand out even more and, unfortunately, I craved that attention even more in college. I attended the University at Buffalo where I was an athlete, a bouncer at the most popular bar on campus and was somehow able to make deep connections in various cliques.
I had a great time but wasn’t even close to being prepared for success outside of college, so I went back. I earned my MBA with a dual focus on Management Consulting and Marketing. Things worked out well as this is exactly what I ended up doing in my corporate career, but things didn’t take off until I moved to New York City in 2007.
Although I was new to the city I already knew a lot of people from college. By day I was working for large tech companies – including Adobe and Meta – at night you could find me partying at the hottest clubs in Manhattan.
Within a few years I met my future wife and was ready to slow down so I could move forward with the next phase of my life.
Unfortunately, I was hiding a secret that would put those plans in jeopardy.
The Fall
During college I developed a drinking habit that seemed normal – and was even celebrated – at the time. I’d stay out until 5am closing down bars but still be up at 9am ready to hit the gym.
This eventually caught up to me as I got older and wasn’t able to bounce back so quickly. It had a negative impact on my health, my relationship and my work.
I was late on assignments, disappointed clients and never performed at the level that was expected of me.
I used to quit jobs before I got fired or, sometimes, get fired because I didn’t get out fast enough. I was constantly anxious or worried about the future, which caused me to drink even more.
I got fired again in March of 2015 and one month later I found out my wife was pregnant with our first child.
This was my wake up call. I quit drinking and thankfully have never been tempted to do so again. Although I was glad to be sober I still felt crushed, lost and embarrassed.
But looking back I wish I appreciated these times more. I had a dedicated partner by my side and was just a few months away from achieving the unthinkable.
The Comeback
I initially considered going back to corporate. But explaining why I left Meta – without lying – proved to be difficult.
Instead, I decided to try my hand at consulting. Things got off to a weird start as I was also receiving unemployment benefits at the time. Long story short, if you’re working independently and on unemployment you have to jump through several hoops.
After a lengthy email exchange with the unemployment office I decided all the paperwork and processes were slowing me down. I was better off turning down the free money and just earning my own.
I hustled hard. I remember pitching my services, in person, to local businesses here in Brooklyn.
My first yes came from a local t-shirt company. I landed my first client, but I still wasn’t satisfied. With a kid on the way I knew I had to scale my business much faster. So, I reached out to the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce and asked if I could lead a free business development workshop for their members. They said yes and promoted the event on my behalf. I walked into a room filled with 60 business owners who actually wanted to hear from me and walked out with two more clients.
I repeated the same process for years. Facilitate an event, capture leads, close the deal. And, I even found a way to get paid for leading these events by landing a job as an instructor at General Assembly.
Within two years I had a repeatable process for attracting clients, appeared on Good Morning America and spoke on major stages including AdWeek and SXSW.
Things were finally going well, until I lost my son TJ at birth.
I was crushed, lost and unsure how I could move forward. But, I still had bills to pay, which meant I had to remain useful. It was hard for me to be in front of people, but teaching remote workshops made it much easier. Little did I know how well the ability to deliver online courses would serve me in just a few more years.
Eventually I decided it was time to create a new “normal” and get back in front of people.
And, after a chance meeting at my daughter’s gym class, I landed a role as a contributor to Entrepreneur magazine.
Since then I’ve spoken on stages around the world, launched two podcasts, wrote a book and have been featured by major media outlets.
This is where the story could end. But for me, it’s just the beginning of the next chapter.
The Legacy
You might say it’s too soon to be thinking about legacy. But to me, it’s never too early and is something I keep top of mind. In fact, my personal philosophy – the words that guide my actions – is “Live your legacy”.
People, including myself, are often concerned about the legacy they’ll live behind; how they’ll be remembered. Well fortunately, we all have full control over how we’ll be remembered, we just need to act that way today.
Whenever I’m tempted to – or guilty of – acting out of character I just think to myself “Is this how you want to be remembered?” If the answer is no, I’m reminded to live my legacy.
So, what is that legacy? I want to be remembered as a good father, a loving husband, and a supportive friend.
And, I also want to be remembered as someone who helped other people recover from setbacks, seize opportunities and continue showing up as the best version of themselves and make their highest contribution to the world.
I was put here for a reason.
So were you.
Let’s make it an epic experience.
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